As my work has become more dematerialized and performative over the years a question has been growing in my mind and it remains unanswered: "Can one both experience something fully and observe that which is happening?"
The flâneur seems to skate the line between these two states, but he does not fully exist in either. He is never fully present, nor is he strictly a removed observer. His ambivalence is what defines him. Personally, when experiencing this shifting role I feel uneasy and transparent, like a ghost resting between two planes of existence. This feeling is strongest while looking through the lens of a camera. Although I enjoy taking pictures, it is not something I have done with great consistency because of the discomfort the camera brings to me. I am more content to set up the camera and step in front of it, than to learn to accept the uneasiness or discomfort that comes with looking through the lens.
As an artist in academia, there is an expectation that students should document our work for the sake of accountability, but creating this documentation is not always easy. When performing or creating an interactive piece, my thoughts have always been more focused on the work at hand and the documentation becomes more of an afterthought; a required last minute addition to the work. Because of this, some of my most successful pieces have been recorded most accurately in my memory or the memory of the participants.
I have been seeking a way to document public or social projects without the altering presence of the camera. The fleeting quality of time is something that I find poetic and beautiful, so rather than attempt to preserve an artistic event, I am often more content to let the moment slip away recorded only in our minds. But how can one remain accountable for such moments?
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Perhaps immediately following a performative piece you could write and sketch from memory as to record the event for posterity. Then again, maybe it is the fading and changing memories that give the piece that much more meaning.
ReplyDeletei wonder if you might be creating a false dichotomy here. you might want to check out Beckett's play Krapp's LAst Tape, where he, in very subtle ways, point at the source of his creative expression. Translated into your situation, it would imply making the discomfort the camera brings to you the focus of your document. Check out also Rouch's Chronicle of a Summer, where the alterations caused to the documented reality by the camera, are documented as well. In both cases the self reflexive mode doesn't overshadow the topic being addressed, but rather enables the discussion to be richer and more truthful.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the recommendations. You may be right that I am creating a false dichotomy. I think the true problem is that I am dissatisfied with conventional documentation of artwork. In a world where most people will experience your work only through documentation I am looking for something that comes closer to the actual experience of being present with the work itself.
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